Truly a Coward
by ShadowRavens
Summary: Told from Al's point of view. This takes place around the part where Al, Peter, and Drew attack Tris by the chasm. A lot of internal conflict and some action.
1. Chapter 1

**Al's POV**

The tears finally begin to stream down my face as I watch her walk towards the door, slowly, as if she is hesitant to leave me. She is small and delicate like a bird, but at the same time, she has the potential to ruin me. Dangerous. But beautiful.

I stifle a sob as I hear the door click. I know that I told Tris that I wanted to be alone, but I also need her with me right now, in this moment. But then I remember: I am weak, even though I don't look like it from the outside, I am failing initiation, and I am a loser. A girl as strong and brave as Tris will never belong with someone like me. I am afraid. No. I am _terrified _that I will never pass initiation-not with Tris here. But the truth is is that she really belongs here, and I don't.

After a few minutes, I am able to control my sobbing and dry my tears so I can leave the room. The door knob is cool to the touch, even though Tris had just touched it not that long ago. _Not again... _ I have to stop thinking about her, but I just can't. It's just a reminder of how weak I really am compared to such a small, quiet, little girl from Abnegation.

I walk down the halls towards the dorms with my face down, trying to cover it so people won't see that I had been crying. That's exactly what I need to happen right now. On the contrary, I'm not looking where I'm going and I bump into some one, "I'm so sor-" I stop in mid-sentence because when I look up, I realize that I have bumped in to Peter.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" says Peter, clearly annoyed with me.

"I uh, I'm s-so sorry, Peter. It-it won't happen again." I say as I sniffle. _Oh shit._

"Now what? Are you crying because you are being kicked out of Dauntless because of a Stiff? Where you on your way to the dorms so you could go and cry yourself to sleep like a little kid? You're weak, Al. And you are a coward. Which leads me to my next point. Drew and I both agree that with the Stiff here, she will desecrate our chances of getting into the top ranks. So, we have devised a plan for getting rid of the Stiff once and for all. But, we still need one more person to go forth with our plan. What do you say Al? Are you in?"

"I'm not sure if-"

"Are you being a coward, Al? Huh? because if you want to prove to Drew and I that we were wrong about you-that you really are brave, You will meet us near the chasm at 9:00."

And with that, he leaves me pondering over what he just said. I don't want to have to do this to Tris. But if what Peter says is true, what will happen to me. I can't become factionless-it would be a huge disgrace on me; and my family. At 8:50, I finally decide to meet them. Just to see what this is all about. Peter wouldn't do anything to kill Tris or something. Would he?

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I walk to the chasm to find Drew and Peter discussing something in whispers which are muffled due to the loud roaring of the water hitting the rocks.

"Look who decided to join us'' Peter says as I approach them. "I guess big Al decided to grow up."

"Hey! I-" I protest, but am interrupted by Peter.

"Here's the plan. The Stiff is out of the dorms right now. We need to move fast so we can catch her before she gets back. Al, I need you to grab her and over her mouth to muffle her screams You got that?"

"Yes, I-"

"Okay. Good. You can't let go though, no matter how much she screams and try to resist you. Drew. You are going to tie this black cloth around her face so she can't see us."

"Of course, Peter."

"It is _very_ important that you two keep your mouths shut and let me do all the talking. I'm going to need both of you to help me bring here back to this spot near the chasm. And then I will take it from there."

"Okay." Drew and I both say in unison.

"We have to leave right now if we want this to work."

I follow the two boys, wondering what the hell I got myself into.

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We wait for a few minutes until we see her petite figure walking towards the dorms. "_GO_!" Peter says in a forced whisper. I walk slowly behind her and grab her. She immediately starts to scream, but I put my hand over her mouth. Her skin is soft and delicate. _What the hell and I doing!_ I scream inside, but then I hear Peter's voice in the back of my mind: _Are you crying because you are being kicked out of Dauntless by a Stiff? You are a coward! _His words are like nails on a chalk board and I need them to stop. The only way I can to that is by going forward with this plan.

"Ow!" I yell as Tris _bites my hand. _I don't blame her either.

_"_Shut up and keep her mouth covered." says Peter as he glares at me. Then Drew, comes over with the cloth. He ties it around her face, and Tris tries more and ore to resist this. I can feel her squirming helplessly in my arms as all three of us carry her towards the Chasm. I can tell that She is struggling to breathe and at the moment, I am glad that she has that cloth over her face so she can't see what I am doing to her.

"Wonder what is sounds like when a Stiff begs for mercy." Peter says with a malicious smile. We start to pick up our pace when we grow nearer to the chasm. My palms are sticky from sweat as I try to remember why I am doing this again. And then I hear those horrible words echo in the back of my mind:_ You are a coward, Al!_

We are now at the railing near the chasm. Peter tells us to lift her up. _Oh. _I suddenly realize what he is about to do. And I can no longer move. I can't believe that I was so stupid to fall for this. _Of __course_ Peter would want to kill Tris. He almost succeeded in killing Edward. I stand there still with my hand pressed against her mouth.

And then Peter does something I would least expect him to do. He brings his hand up to her chest and _feels_ her. I cannot believe what I am seeing.

"You sure you're sixteen, Stiff? Doesn't feel like you're more than twelve." he says as he and Drew begin to laugh. I feel sick inside and want so much to just punch Peter in the face. But I know that I can't do that or else I might find myself at the bottom of the chasm as well.

"Wait, I think I found something!" Peter says when he squeezes her. He and Drew both grow even more hysterical and I can no longer take it anymore. This has gone too far!

I drop my hand. "Stop that," I yell. But I only worsen the situation. Peter bangs Tris so hard in the head and throws her to the ground with such force that I am surprised she is still conscious. She lets out a terrified scream that is a million times worse than Peter's words that have been playing over and over in the back of my mind. I watch in agony. Tris unties the blindfold and for a split second, I see those eyes that were once beautiful to look at but are now blinding. How can I expect her to forgive me for what I've done, When I can't even forgive myself?

I run away from the scene an even bigger coward than I was before.

**Author's note: Hey guys! This is my second story. Hope you liked it! I would really appreciate if you would take some time to review. I really like suggestions and they really motivate me, Thanks so much for reading!**

**Love,**

**ShadowRavens**


	2. Chapter 2

**Al's POV**

_Run. _

That's all I can do. I can't think-I just run. Faster and faster until I can no longer breathe it. I run far away from the mess I've made, the harm I have done to Tris, and slip away in to the darkness of the hall way.

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As I come to a stop in the halls, a million questions enter my mind: what the hell just happened? Did Tris know that I was one of the people who did this to her? Did see me running away from the chasm like a coward?

And then I realize that I will never be able to look at Tris the same way again. What was once beautiful, will now stab me in the chest with guilt every time I look at her. I can't bear this pain anymore. But at the same time, I can't stop thinking about what happened to Tris, the only human being left on this earth whom I care for. The events from last night play in the back of my mind like a broken record and will always haunt me where ever I go:

_Her body, small and cold, shaking with terror as she tried to resist me. Peter yelling at me, his voice like nails on a chalkboard. Her eyes, her beautiful, blue eyes filled with horror as she saw. And finally, her deafening scream that could be heard from miles away. _

Still standing in the hall way, I see someone walking towards the apartments in the Dauntless compound. I get a closer look and see that it's Four. Carrying _Tris_?

I see her lying limp and unconscious in his arms, her head rested on his shoulder. It should have been me. I should have been the one to to carry her to safety rather than the one putting her in danger. Four has always been the hardest on her in training, so it boggles my mind why he would be carrying her like this-like he actually cares for her. I can only hope that she is okay even though I know she isn't.

But then I realize, if Four found Tris, what happen to Drew and Peter? With a gasp, I take off running towards the chasm.

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As I near the chasm, I notice that Peter is gone. He must have run away before Four got to him. However, I see Drew lying on the ground uncoinsious in pretty bad condition. For a second, I am almost glad that I ran away from the scene before Four came, but that would mean that I would be an even bigger coward than I already was.

I walk closer to the chasm. The spray of the water lands lightly on my face and I can't tell the difference between my tears and the water. I cry vioelnty near the chasm for what feels like hours but was probably minuets. I will never be able to stop asking myself why I did such a terrible thing. When I look at the chasm. I feel as if the waters are calling to me. It could end now. All the misery could just stop.

But I don't jump.

Instead I turn around because I hear someone walking in my direction. I start to run again-this time to the dorms. I sit down on my bed to she that Tris isn't in her bed which is next to mine._ Where could she be?_ Wherever she is, I hope she's okay.

I wish more than anything to go back in time and change what I've done and will never stop wondering what would have happened if I hadn't helped Peter and Drew. Would they still have gone forth with their plan? I feel that it is all my fault for what happened to Tris. If only I wasn't such a coward.

**Authors note: Hey guys! I hope you liked the second chapter! I'm story its not very long. I promise that the next chapter will be longer. I really love getting your feedback-it motivates me so much. Once again, thanks for reading!**

**Love,**

**ShadowRavens**


	3. Chapter 3

**Al's POV**

I don't sleep for the longest time.

Instead, I lay in bed staring at the dark ceiling, pondering what I'm going to do in the morning. I can't believe that I almost ended my life last night, but I also wonder if I will regret not doing it later. How will I ever be able to live with my self, knowing what terrible things I have done and having the image of her terrified eyes permanently stuck in my mind? My vision becomes blurry as tears fill my eyes and run down my face. They burn my cheeks as if they are like hot tar and, my body shakes violently as I sob as quietly as I can. I am sick of crying, but it is the only thing I can do right now. I cry until I fall into a very light sleep.

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_I'm standing at the railing of the chasm. __I feel the mist of the water on my face as it calls for me to come closer and closer. __I __walk forward, each step easier to take than the last. __One more step. __That's all it will take to end my grief. __I jump. I'm falling towards my death at fast rate. Falling closer and closer to the end._

_Falling..._

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I wake with a gasp. I realize that I am alive and breathing in the dorms. It's about 6:00-no one is awake yet. I still see that Tris is not in her bed. Could she be in the infirmary? If she's mortally wounded, then it's all my fault. It's my fault if she doesn't make it in to Dauntless. It's my fault that she's the new Edward.

As the other initiates wake up, I slowly creep in to the bathroom, not wanting them to see me. After a few minuets everyone has left but me. I can't bear to show my face a breakfast-especially if Tris is there. I also would die of embarrassment from the other initiates because they would be able to read the shame in my expression as if it were branded on my forehead. Peter and Drew were already known for their malicious behavior towards the other initiates, especially towards Tris, but me? People are going to be shocked that I was involved in this. I feel even worse now that I realize that I've let so many people down.

I decide not to go to training today. I've already pretty much failed everything in training and am clearly not going to pass initiation, so whats the difference if I miss one day?

Depression takes over my body as I sit alone in the dorms for countless hours, each one going by slower than the last. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, forget the events of last night. They are like boulders that I will always have to carry on my shoulders and will always weigh me down.

I wonder if it would be harder to face training today or face the emptiness of being alone. I do not want to have to face the Tris and the other initiates, or being bullied by Peter. But I also can not stand sitting here all alone, for I have felt this way ever since I joined Dauntless; now more than ever. I suppose that makes me even more of a coward.

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The initiates come pouring in through the door. I have no choice but to come out of hiding. As I walk towards my bed, Christina gives me a look filled with disappointment. I catch a glimpse of Tris, and am relieved that she wasn't injured too badly, but I still do not forgive myself for what I have done. Despite the nasty bruise on her cheek, she still shines bright-her flame has not gone out yet.

I can't act like this didn't happen any longer. I must do something, even if it doesn't work. I use up the minuscule amount of courage I have left and walk over to Tris.

"Can I talk to you?" I say has my voice cracks. I can already feel the tears charging towards my eyes, and I can't hold them back.

"Are you kidding? You don't get to come near her ever again." Will says as he grabs Tris' shoulders protectively.

"I won't hurt you. I never wanted to." The tears are pouring out of my eyes and streaming down my face. I cover it with my hands-I can't stand fro Tris to see me like this. "I just want to say that I'm sorry. I don't...I don't know what's wrong with me. I...please forgive me, _please_..." I say in between sobs. I reach out for her because I want to touch her-to show her that I am not the monster that she saw last night. But I know that I can't do that, so I pull back.

"Stay away from me. Never come near me again." She says and looks right in to my eyes. I almost have to look away, for I cannot bear to see them when they are filled with fear rather than their usual beauty and curiosity.

"If you do, I swear to God I will kill you, you coward." she says coldly, leaving me with the worst feeling I have ever had in my entire life.

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I walk through the halls like a drone. Her words play back in my head over and over again haunting me when ever I close my eyes. I walk around not paying attention to where I am going and I stop when I hear the roaring water of the chasm. I step closer and closer until I am standing at the railing.

Is this really what my life has come down to? I have a choice. I can go on living, probably factionless and have to spend every day remembering all of the terrible things I have done. Or, I can choose to end all that right here. Right now.

When I chose Dauntless, I thought I would be come braver, that I would not be labeled as a coward. But who was I kidding? Even Tris sees me as a coward now. How does one live, when they know that the only person they care for does not even want to go near them? I have failed at life. Game over. I don't see a difference in ending it now than later.

I grab the slippery railing, and lean over. It's a long way to the bottom, but I don't care. Soon it will all be over and I will not feel a thing. No more pain, no more misery, no more cowardice. No more. A huge tear rolls down my cheek, and I realize that this is the last tear I will ever shed. I take a deep breath and hold it-,my final breath, and jump.

I am falling just like in my dream, only it's reality. Falling nearer and nearer to my death, I and I seem to forget almost everything. But I do know one thing: I will never die as anyone's hero, or as a person who was known for their bravery.

I am truly a coward.

**Author's note: So that concludes my story. I hope you liked it! Thank you so much for reading as well as your generous reviews! :)**


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